Eight meetings

I've been sober ten days now, and I've attended eight meetings. (Two today, because I couldn't attend a meeting yesterday.) Do I want to drink? Not really. I have occasional twinges, definitely, but there's no alcohol in the house, and I'm not going to buy any (I completely avoided the beer aisle at the grocery store and have only purchased cigarettes at Walgreen's instead of the gas station, because Walgreen's doesn't sell beer.)

Since I was 99% a "home" drinker (bars are too expensive!), I do have lots of triggers. Taking a bath (instead of a shower) is a big trigger, especially in the evening. I often took a big glass of wine and a book to the tub with me. I substituted herbal tea and it was fine, but even better was the bath in the morning with a nice cup of coffee. But mostly I shower.

Obviously, watching TV is another big trigger, but I'm trying to keep a glass or mug of something else nearby so I can sip on something. I bought a sample pack of herbal teas and have found a few of them to be enjoyable. (I made the mistake of way too much caffeine the first few nights, which did not lead to good sleep.)

My sleep patterns are totally different, which makes some sense. When I was drinking, I woke up about six hours after I passed out, once the alcohol cleared my system. And then I was wide awake, which made getting up early pretty easy. Now I'm going to sleep on my own, and I've been sleeping at least 8-9 hours unless I need to get up to get the kids to school. And I definitely drag on those mornings. My body must be trying to make up for years of bad sleep.

The wounds on my face have healed almost entirely. With a normal amount of makeup, they're almost invisible. I still have some numbness on my upper lip, and my front teeth are sensitive, but the worst is definitely over. Now I need to investigate how much getting the broken tooth capped (or whatever needs to happen) will cost since we don't have insurance. My speech is still a little "off" due to a combination of the numbness and the broken tooth, as well as my two front teeth having migrated a bit (they're actually about where they should have been if I'd worn my retainer like a good girl).

I'm secure on step 1. I've made step 2 work for me, at least for now, by putting my family (husband and kids) as my higher power. That's a temporary solution, even I know that, but it's the best I've got right now. Unfortunately, it doesn't make step 3 any easier. Probably more difficult, especially when my kids' will for me is to say yes to every plea for ice cream and ice cream and ice cream.

Tonight's meeting was about the sixth and seventh steps. Good stuff, but I need to get to four and five first. Especially four. And I still need to work on three.

Yeah, I'm not going to conquer all the steps this month. That's okay. I didn't become an alcoholic overnight. I'm not going to get all better overnight either.